Bloggin' and Junk

And with good reason. He came clean. Completely clean. I know everything they did now and it just shows how lonely he was. He told me he picked her because we were similar and he didn’t really love her. Everything makes sense now.

He also picked up smoking and hid it from me. He has asthma. When I asked why, he said he hates himself. I told him if he wants to get better, he’ll have to start there. He has no money and it’s an expensive habit. Plus he’ll het even more sick.

He didn’t come clean completely because he was afraid. I obviously see why with all this new info I have but I didn’t flip. I talked calmly with him and told him that it’s okay that we’re not together right now. If he said all this in the beginning, it would’ve made more sense. He said he didn’t tell me sooner because he also got caught up in being my boyfriend again. I told him that was sweet and at least we had innocent fun. I am going to miss that. I see he’s a completely different person when I’m not there. He’s spiraling and he needs to get himself out. He also doesn’t want another relationship for a long while. He’s taking a break from Facebook. He doesn’t want to talk to that other girl. And for us, we’ll talk every once in a while. Just starting over as friends. I’m not ready for love for a while. But we still agree that we love each other. We just can’t date. We’re bitter towards love for a while. I told him, when he finally feels happy, we’ll reconnect, still as friends. If anything happens between us again, it will. Right now, it’s all bad timing. But as I told him, NOTHING JUSTIFIES CHEATING.

And that Tumblr is the end of my first love experience. Four and a half years. What we had was beautiful but because the loneliness caught up with him, we crumbled. But as individuals, we’ll come out stronger. It’s time to focus on me.

I love and care for you Christopher. I only want the best for both of us and I hope you find your happiness soon.

:)

I’m so happy! My besties and I had a great time in New Paltz. What did we do? Well, explored pretty much.

We arrived in New Paltz at 2PM-ish to be greeted by a clean shaven, short black haired Christopher. I knew about his haircut but he looks really different. But it’s nice. :) We went to eat at Gomen Kudasai (where he works) and we had some really good food. OM NOM NOM.

After finding out our movie plan was a bust (due to limited movie hours), we decided to buy bread and feed the ducks in New Paltz. We started to feed the ducks and we witnessed something incredibly sad… A momma duck got separated from her children and was raped by 3 ducks. It was HORRIBLE. And we didn’t know what to do! D:

After that… we went to the jungle gym to take some EPIK photos and junk. We’ve obviously played Contra III too much but with NO REGRETS. It was adorable. We also sat down and drew stuff for a while. It was really nice. :)

We then headed back to Christopher’s place where we fed some squirrels and Jessica took over 100 pictures of them. Oh boy. We sang some songs together and junk. It was really cute.

We had an amazingly fun and adorable time with Christopher up in New Paltz. I’m so glad we made his day. :)!

Trip to New Paltz for a day to eat at Gomen Kudasai and see Christopher at work? Heck yeah! I think we can pull it off. That boy just needs to tell me his schedule and we can plan this biznitch.

But I did have a fun weekend. We watched movies, sang to Enchanted, bought lots of food, made Philly cheese steaks, ate ice cream and walked around New Paltz. I went to his job to pick him up from work and met all of his co-workers who were all extremely nice (he introduced me as his girlfriend…). We even got some free sake! :)

It was incredibly fun and relaxing and I hope we can do it again soon. Hopefully this fool comes to my BBQ on the 29th and gets his work done! If not, he owes me one hell of a birthday. I’m turning 20 in less than a month! AAAAHHHHH! D:

But yeah, other than that, I had found out some interesting news. Two friends of mine who were dating broke up a week ago. Now one of them I feel is moving way too fast and is now dating Christopher’s sister. Crazy stuff. Hopefully he takes my advice and goes slow with it. From my own experience and just from someone from the outside looking in, what he needs is time to heal. He hasn’t even been single for over two weeks. Let’s just hope the right choice is made. I just don’t want the two of them doing something they’d regret, especially knowing that he’s dating Christopher’s sister. Hoping for the best!

I don’t know really. I’m kind of in this neutral satisfaction with life (if that makes any sense)? I’m not quite happy yet I’m not depressed either. School is one less thing off my mind (a lot off my mind actually) and I’m kinda just focusing on me now.

I’m just waiting to drop off my mom at the airport so she can leave for San Fransisco today. I won’t get home until at least 5AM. Yay. Guess who’s sleeping in?

In other good news, it’s my bestest friend Jessica’s birthday! I have a super special awesome gift for her from my two other bestest friends as well (together we make 16OURS). It’s a combined idea but I’ll be putting it together starting today. I bet she’ll love it!

Also, Japan Day in NYC will be coming up soon! This is going to be an adventure! I can’t wait for it! :)

And I’m seeing him this weekend. Things are looking good between us, actually. I haven’t seen him in a while (like 3 weeks?). So this should be fun. We’re going to watch a bunch of super hero movies and make mate lattes this weekend. I’m excited for that. :)

So life has been looking up a bit for me. I’m sitting here on my bed, watching my little dog Sundae sleep in her bed. She at least looks good now since I took her in to get groomed. She’s got orange/yellow bows in her hair. They don’t match with her purple harness though. >:T

Now I’m off to go drop the mom off. I’ll see her next Monday!

hottimeskpop:

Not only can he moonwalk like a boss,

He can do it at your favorite theme park,

On the great wall of China

At Buckingham Palace

In your favorite movies,

While defying the laws of science,

This boy even has swagger on the moon.

Well, I checked my grades for the semester… I’m still a bit shocked because I thought I did pretty bad. I actually did better this semester.

Drawing II: A Visual Computing: A Women Make Films: B Painting II: A Philosophy of Beauty: A

My GPA ended up being a 3.8! YEAH. I can celebrate this summer guilt free! >:D

I don’t know what to quite feel about this really. I’m happy yet I feel like I’m missing something. Maybe it’s just the fact that my mother can call on me whenever she wants now. That sucks.

I was getting used to making up my own shit to do and now I’m here. I have automatic responsibilities I have to do not only for myself but for my family as well. It’s a bit selfish, I know, but I miss living on my own. My mom likes to make up things for me to do on the spot. At least I’ve gotten most of my stuff unpacked from my dorm and I’ve found a place for most of it. Not bad considering the two giant boxes I had.

I’ve also been reminiscing. As I’ve been cleaning my room and moving things around, I found old notes and drawings from him. I even found old pictures we took together from 2007. It’s really scary and I sent them to him. He liked looking at the changes we’ve gone through and we had a nice talk about it. It is scary. Those were pictures from when I was 15 and dating him. But he told me I still look gorgeous. It’s amazing how feelings change throughout the years too. Looking back on how I was feeling then versus now… And I still love him. Human emotions are weird and they can either be your high or they can knock you down really hard. It’s scary how you can just turn on yourself or another person in an instant. But I think I’ve done well in loving him more and more every day. Let’s just hope it stays that way. I plan on seeing him next weekend. We even made plans to celebrate summer together by taking a trip to Mitsuwa and getting some ice cream. I’m excited and I hope it turns out well. I’m hoping the summer can rekindle lost feelings from the school year. I’m definitely trying harder at this relationship/friendship thing we have. As my best friend Melanie put it, I’m in relationship limbo.

By the way, I really hate when my hair looks really nice before I go to sleep but once I wake up, it’s going to be a flippin’ wreck. Ugh.